Tuesday, March 30, 2010

In Which Money Falls From My Ass

Bleary eyed and still half asleep, I'm standing in the shower enjoying the warm water falling on my head. Wakefulness is slow in coming this morning.

I'm pushing what's left of my hair back when I hear a metallic clink on the floor of the tub. Brow furrowed, I look down to see Roosevelt's wet silhouette looking sidelong at me.

That's weird, I think, as I nudge him to the back of the tub with my toe. What's a dime doing in the shower? I get on with my day and give the matter no more thought.

Two days later, it happens again. Clink! Lincoln this time. What's happening here? I look down and around. Another clink! Did a nickel just fall out of my ass? Nearly twisting my neck off, I strain round and see more money. Stuck to my ass.

It took a couple days and a few more lost coins, but I soon solved the mystery. I was coming home from work every afternoon exhausted. I would kick off my shoes as soon as I walked in and lay down for a much needed nap. In the process of turning over, all my change would fall out of my pockets and lay in wait for me.

At night, when I was going to bed for real, I would sleep in my boxer shorts, climbing into my cash-rich mattress. In the process of sleeping on top of the coins, they would adhere to my upper legs, back and ass, and reveal themselves in the shower in the morning.

Not long after this revelation I took to taking my naps on the living room couch instead. Poor Roosevelt...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Poetry From My Spam Box

Hallo my love, i' from Moskow, 'you?

I Olga.
I beautiful.

Here my photo.

You wish to be on friendly terms with me?? And above the altar made of gold!?

Your long awaited desire will be achieved within 2 to 4 working days of your application.

Permit us to be of service to you: It is very sweet.

My sweet kitty - do you completely forgot about my Russian pussy?

"Come to my site - I have there new photos as well as VIDE0 from my H0ME web camera - and you have a web camera now?"

I want to talk to you almost.

I've got a whole.

Site or its contents.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Happy Birthday Ocho!

Today is my cat Ocho's 10th birthday. Here are some pictures of Fuzzbutt herself:

Here we are at my last birthday. She's not a fan of the mask. I was pretty drunk by this point.

We both love naps on the couch.

Rambo cat sez "They drew first blood."

As you can see, having a stroke makes Ocho grumpy.

Snuggle buddies. I was sure I'd have to put her to sleep this day. Thanks to the good folks at Angell Memorial Hospital, that was 2 1/2 years ago.

Close up.

Xtreme(tm) Close up.

Mouse guts are hard to get out.

Iz on yr comptr, disapproving yr pr0nz.