Lifted directly from my actual life:
How to answer strangers that ask the following: "That's a nice piece of pussy, yeah?"
If midgets are going to jaywalk, they should have those tall fiberglass orange flags attached to them.
What to do after riding your bike through poo.
What is the protocol for tipping when your waiter/ess abandons his/her post?
An etiquette guide for informing your neighbor that
a) you don't give a rat's ass about their offspring, and in fact,
b) you strongly dislike said offspring for its ability to rouse you from sleep at 8am sharp on sunday morning.
A DIY guide for when your auto mechanic tells you, "Eh, just rip it off. It's not really important."
Suggestions from Nancie, each with valid merit:
"I Drive A Monster Truck"
"King Of America"
Tune in next week to see which contestants move forward, and which one goes home, crying like a little bitch...