It started off innocently enough, an exercise (as this blog is), an excuse to write, with a certain type of pressure in the monthly deadline, and another type of pressure in keeping it within the confines of One Hundred Words. Eventually though, it became oppressive, and it shows in the overall body of my "work". Full Disclosure: I was in the midst of a profound bout of depression at this time, coupled with the pressure of completing my final semester in college, in which I scrapped all of my work with seven weeks left to begin a new body of work from scratch. It came out in the writing, and in my everyday, person-to-person interactions. As I became more and more bored, I would lash out in that "I'm on the internet and anonymous!" type of way. Pathetic.
It got to the point where I was randomly picking through other members' posts, copying and pasting bits and pieces into my own posts, writing "poems" with the scraps and shards.
At another point, I was perusing spam email, posting its content into Babelfish, translating the English into German, copying that German translation, then translating that back into English. BTW: German is teh Funniez.
I herein present a few choice selections from those sad pathetic six months, consisting of some of the Cut/Paste Poems and the English-German-English freakouts. Enjoy?
04/11
A captain of Fury
By age twenty.
To my surprise I’ve survived this long. Disgustingly precise.
I am trying to slow down,
For some reason I’m not afraid.
But I have enough trouble -
I can’t seem to do anything but choke.
I’m more nervous than I look, brutalized with punching.
They just don’t exist. I’m alone, but I don’t care
Because I'm doing ol' number nine right now.
I’ve been struggling to know more.
I made a decision,
Brought it to my bed.
Hand has ceased shivering
Like a child-murderer's lullaby.
Where the hell’s my hammer?
I need this.
04/12
We all suffer, but I declined once again.
I love it here, heart and head riding a winning streak
"Don’t Quit The One Thing You Can Do Right"
Fine beyond her fear: Six hours of other people’s plates.
I was a ghost along the rails,
Deemed "missing" in today’s Post,
Spilled out all over the leg of the man with the big fists.
I’m slightly amused, covered in dirt and weeds.
Dirty, I stood, trembling with anger.
"Nothing. I'm doing nothing."
Just sit around
People are sharing their stories with me
Frankly we can’t win in a world of snares.
04/15
Because its like okay think brain think.
I just couldn’t face all the grossed out faces smelling my creation.
Like its fucking pink.
Like they’re supposed to look out for you.
My dad wants me to side with the union, he’s been loyal to his for like 20 some Years.
Like incredibly lots!
I forgot to renew my plates and registration so technically my car wasn’t insured so Its like endangerment of something or other bullshit.
Before I was like hoping that the time would go by slowly.
Then its like family allowance day or something.
I totally congratulate you!
04/16
This is how I lost my innocence, so long ago that I'd forgotten:
My fever broke, dogs stood rapt;
Genius is a secret that I keep. I don't feel I need to fill her in.
She said she was having a hard time with it.
Today is tomorrow, and I've got this black angel that rides with me.
We have trouble talking.
We're going to counseling to try and work it out.
Right now, she is the Anti-Christ. She'll be with me.
At certain moments we will catch each others' eyes,
See we are not what we pretend to be.
04/19
I learned, like one fish between my back parts squeeze together.
When I was not any more than one boy with a load in mine diaper,
I dreamed over this job.
Bemuttern you means to me, in order to be more practical,
But I would like to become only bottuck fish a Squeezer.
I studied very strongly at the university
And each temptation of the Schnaepse and the inexpensive sex Avoided.
And now I stand the proudest moment ago in my life.
I remember for the remainder of my life
First on feel the professional back part fish squeezing.
04/20
I guess, you hide that matter in yours underpants.
In order to see the fact that I means to adhere to finger
Into my hot slot wet-made.
Two women in hot tub, which receives to it, you bet your donkey!
Do you click here, in order to find out?
They left photos to 'confidence friend '.
Apparent they wanted to show the world:
What material lezzers to the rear closed doors to rise!
Enjoy!
Friday has the largest boobs, which you at all and a delightful body saw,
In order to go with it, and it really loves cords...
04/21
They are need more Fraurapists.
Kueken with Brueckeons those even taking it of a man to gunpoint;
Were probably still away received and to fall in love itself...
"AWW. As sweet. They put my piston in for free..."
Yep is which I, Mr. Fuckbutt,
Because I feel strong over to the hand the topic.
It gives, somewhat wrongly with that straight.
Me meant this already? They are an idiot.
Well, possibly Patsy are sometimes also..
Except... which I not the Ivana Trump hairdo to go has on...
I'm which with the blond angel...
...ha hectar hectar...
(people that clings to)
hectar hectar hectar charlies, MOODS!
04/25
A jewel from Mom’s cakehole quite came out today.
"The Urologist saw my blister by a camera.”
Los Angeles gives me boogers.
It lets me watch out to football and fights begins to wish.
"It's very wet. That’s a good thing."
All my last juices out into a promised five month window,
Squeezing together from now on and continue carrying on
In any new place in which I mean ideas drop
Dwelling around me do not leave.
...receive drunk now and a Bumsen not, giving.
I am that, who receives, to wash all those pots?
I formed mean understanding!
05/15
It’s awcrunch: the cruel heart of listening, it
Lets you know, with no hint of letting-in.
Suddenly:
The bleak fear of letting down turns away in short order, passing out.
By the way, Saturday’s my rotary,
WHITE GIRL: Yo Mutha Fucka, I Holla back!
ME: What?
WHITE GIRL: You heard me motha fucka
ME: Why are you talking like a white girl?
WHITE GIRL: I’m ‘onna fuck you up!
ME: Now we’re getting somewhere. Some wine?
WHITE GIRL: Yo I gotta go hook up wit my peeps
ME: What’s your hurry baby?
WHITE GIRL: Got any cookies?
ME: Right here.
05/31
I read the first valid horoscope I have ever seen today. “Libra: ...anger management starts in the home and ends at your fist.” Amen sister. I’m gonna go put that fucker to work RIGHT NOW. To quote that beautiful song, “...roll up my sleeves, take my crowbar in hand...” I will now punch kitties and flip the bird to children. I’ve got a can full of gasoline and I can’t find my matches. I am a delicate blend of rage and hurt. When I want to hear my opinion I will beat it out of myself. Or beat off. Whatever...
06/15
I have reached that point:
I'd said goodbye.
It was something I just had to do.
tired
tired
tired.
Transfixed by the shadows, the world was about to be washed away In a new flood.
Ruddy face flushed with pleasure,
She closed her eyes, “It’s the big one!”
We called them “breeders”.
The department store believed the staff lockers correctly surmised That soon would have to save himself:
See his pink snout fat, pink belly.
‘I’m worst at what I do best. I don’t sleep much.’
Trained to deny her instincts,
Her eyes would meet mine,
Then glance away anymore.
06/16
It’s hard enough not to wake up.
I’m considering euthanizing the best birthday gift I’ve ever received.
There
Are
Certain
Rules:
An
Unspoken
Code
A fleeting buzz is like a contagion.
A man of god can be so persuasive.
I later realized he may have just had a runny nose.
Crazy piece of work, to fix what has been broken.
You do well with sharp objects.
What a shame:
Everything is an excuse to 12-step.
Impossibly clumsy.
Maybe I’m just hopelessly wanting to hang it up and walk away.
I have stopped worrying about me – for now, at least.
06/21
_soaphead_> i'll quote:
jimboelrod_1> please....
_soaphead_> hang on
_soaphead_> ready?
jimboelrod_1> aim
jimboelrod_1> fire
JGBLONDIE> lol
jimboelrod_1> same hand?
JGBLONDIE> dont u just hate that
jimboelrod_1> yes...
JGBLONDIE> me 2
_soaphead_> ..." 'Bitch, you are nothing but a funky zero.
Before me you had one chili chump with no rep.
Nobody except his mother ever heard of the bastard.
Yes, Bitch,
I'll be back this morning to put your phony ass on the train.'..."
JGBLONDIE> omg
jimboelrod_1> sorry
_soaphead_> but wait there's more...
_soaphead_> "...'Bitch, I don't want a whore with rabbit in her. I want a bitch who loves me for life..."
06/24
Often one to want
I’m typically unfortunate.
After some free bowling, and an unbalanced budget,
I was too aware of all that I wasn’t.
What?
At various passing moments.
I’m going to crawl into my childhood:
A collage of pebbles glued to Styrofoam, my name written backwards
Panic if someone has dropped out of sight.
I have a history.
It wasn’t good.
I’m back home now.
I feel surrounded.
I have things on my mind that I can’t sort out.
Life has surprised me.
To end a chapter:
some things rapidly sour.
I need to cut things open more promptly.
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